i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
