He had one of those small greek statue penises
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
