I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
