I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
