You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
