STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
