I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
