come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You can't just leave with hair like that
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
tell me about the fingering
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
