Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
