The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
