This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
