im drinking this country out of the recession.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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