i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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