so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Randomize
