he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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