These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
