Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
