What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
being pregnant is like rehab
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
