K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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