i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We need to get me chipped asap
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
