Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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