I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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