garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
