you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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