dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
