Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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