it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
