I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
