I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
