none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
