nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
