Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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