even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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