Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
