in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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