I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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