If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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