grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
