I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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