Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
