so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
