I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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