He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
