Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I deserve this hangover.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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