I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
