remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
