Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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