Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
