Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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