she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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